There are few concepts that have impacted me more profoundly than that of the masculine and feminine. Before I started to totally ‘get it’ and embed this into my daily operating system, it was like poking around in the dark, searching for meaning and direction. If you are not familiar with this, then all you need to do is look around you. Within everything you see lies masculine and feminine energy, North and South, or yin yang as has been known for thousands of years.
You have your own unique balance of these two polar energies, and they go a long way to determining just about everything in your life. From your health, love, career, relationships, wealth and more.
The feminine could be described as the force of life and source of inspiration with a soft, free flowing and boundless energy. You can see this represented in my ‘Little Lover’ music video which was designed to highlight this literal dance between the two energies. You can see the gorgeous Nat moving around me literally smearing her energy all over me. She is always flowing, sometimes erratic and ever emotional. And there I am, the masculine, in the centre of the storm taking the hits, receiving her love, yet remaining firm and phallic in his direction. That is a superior man. Ever present and solid when the feminine needs it, virtuous not comfortable, inspired not forceful, open yet strong and warm hearted… and of course loving and warm hearted.
Oh, to be able to maintain this all the time! Trust me I try, but the feminine knows how to push all the right buttons. And here is where the polar drama starts… in the moments when the feminine craves something, often the masculine craves the opposite. For example, let’s say you are at home one night and can tell your lady (or man) is in a mood. You ask what is wrong and she gives the alarming reply, Nothing.
Not satisfied with this response and wanting to ‘solve’ all problems, the masculine starts to dig for answers. Bombarded and broken down by a barrage of masculine directional and increasingly insensitive questions, the feminine starts to get upset.
God, you are impossible! I knew something was wrong! you cry out in frustration. She storms off, you both go to bed angry thinking your relationship is doomed.
Rewind… this is how it could have played out…
You can see your lady (or man) is upset, so you walk up with an open heart, eyes connected, chest wide open and warmth in your heart, pick her up, spin her around and tell her how beautiful she is and how much you love her. Bingo. The feminine doesn’t want to be ‘figured out’, she just wants LOVE! You go to bed, give her a good ravishing and life has never looked rosier!
Oh the polarity.
I used to be more like the former, and trust me, I do forget, a lot of the time. But when I do remember, life is just so much more sweet for both of us. Looking back on my past relationships before meeting The One, I can clearly see how… well… mediocre I was. It was all part of my journey and has led me to where I am today. But my wish is for men, women, girls and boys to understand this simple but profound way of looking at the world.
In 2008 I was starting to have marital troubles, and a friend gave me The Way Of The Superior Man by David Deida. I got through the first few chapters and thought what a load of crap! Clearly I was not ready. Then in 2013, I found myself on a boat in the middle of nowhere with two books and no technology. This was one of them. I could not escape. But this time I was so ready, and I devoured it in one sitting. I was one week away from proposing to my then girlfriend. But the truth was staring me in the face now, and I didn’t want to take her down a path that was not right for both of us. We could have had a perfectly ‘happy’ life for sure. Our relationship was really quite amazing on so many levels and I am incredibly grateful for her love for my son and I during some tough times. But something was missing, and that was me. I had not shown up.
Life has never been the same, and six months later I met my wife. However, life is not all peaches and cream when you meet your match. But here’s the catch… when you meet your equal, your soul mate, there is nowhere for you to hide anymore. They are just as invested in you being the most fully expressed version of yourself and your Self as you are. If you are mediocre, they tell you without having to tell you, because you will know. You are signing up for the journey of your life. A life where being average is simply not tolerated. Monogamy is a beautiful sacred container that allows you the perfect opportunity to evolve. But only if you are up for it.
And, I am. I made my bed by doing all the work needed to allow my soul mate and I to effortlessly come together. Now I must honour that gift and be all I can be. For me first and foremost because we are two whole beings (for the most part anyway) who compliment, not complete each other.
That’s just a small taste of the clarity you get once the masculine and feminine dialogue becomes part of your life. What follows are my personal book notes from The Way Of The Superior Man, which I encourage all men and women to read. BUT, these are no replacement for reading the book.
Yes ladies, I do recommend you read the book, plus it’s feminine counterpart Dear Lover also by David Deida.
Fellas, let these notes become your bible. Read them daily if you have to! I used to, until they were really embedded. I still read these frequently to help me remember who I am.
So dive in, and please share with me below any ‘aha’ moments that you have. Also, please send this to at least one person who is ready to read it…
Your woman falls in love with your mission, not the man.
Stop waiting, feel everything, love achingly, give impeccably, let go.
If you want real passion, you must have a ravisher and a ravishee… otherwise you are just two buddies rubbing genitals.
Do what you were born to do for a minimum of one hour per day. There will never be the ‘right time’ there is only now. A moment waited is a moment wasted.
When in pain or hurt, act with an open body and open heart. Open your chest, stand tall and straight, gaze into her eyes, breathe. From here you can act with mastery and skill.
Never change your mind to please a woman. Make a new decision based on this new perspective. Don’t betray your own deepest knowledge and wisdom.
If a man prioritises his relationship over his higher purpose, he weakens himself and cheats his woman of an authentic man who can offer her full, undivided presence. If your woman needs time which takes you from your mission, tell her you will give her x number of minutes/hours of your undivided attention and ravishing!
Lean just beyond your edge. Don’t push it and cause yourself stress. Fear needs to become your friend so you are no longer uncomfortable with it.
Don’t just ‘poke’ your woman and share a few orgasms before getting distracted to something else, do it for real with everything you have got. Bloom her into the world! F*k her and ravish her to smithereens, with your love unsheathed!
Without the masculine energy of mates in your life, you are liable to meander in your own mush and ambiguity of indecision. Spend time with mates once a week.
The superior man is not seeking fulfilment in his work and woman, he is already full.
A superior man must be capable of not knowing what to do with his life, entering a period of unknowingness, and waiting for a vision or a new form of purpose to emerge.
Whenever a woman tests you, she wants to feel you are a superior man. A woman will always test you. It never stops. The most loving woman tests you the most. She wants you to be your fullest most magnificent version of yourself.
What a woman says in a moment of emotion is more like poetry and what she feels like doing rather than a clear cut agenda. Therefore it could change in 5 minutes! Like a cloud passing by.
Hear what your woman has to say, feel her depth carefully. Then after you have fully considered all her input, make a decision from your deepest core. Then if she changes her mind you will not resent her for changing your path.
Praise her freely! Praise her qualities daily, a number of times. Let her know what parts of her body turn you on. 5-10 times a day and see what happens!
A superior man sees his woman’s moods not as a curse, but as a challenge and amusement. Talking can help, but not as much as humour and a good ravishing
One of the deepest feminine desires in intimacy is to know that her man is taking care of everything. Figure things out for her.
Stand full, present and un-reactive in the midst of a woman’s emotional storms. Stand your ground, stand strongly in love so that only love prevails.
No matter what your woman says or does, give her love. Press your belly into hers. Breathe.
Always help your woman make decisions by offering your perspective and telling her your choices while letting her know you love her no matter what decision she makes. Encourage her to trust her feelings but always tell her what you would do and why
If you always talk about work, finances, household and children, you replace mystery with domesticity and tumble with talk. Never forget that your fuel is sexual polarity
If the feminine ever feels your neediness, that you want her more than she wants you, then she will lose trust in you and your masculine core. If a woman feels your feminine is stronger than hers, if she feels that intimacy is more important to you than her, she will want space and freedom to pursue her own direction and be repulsed by your neediness
If a woman is asking you to come inside her, she is challenging your strength to not come inside her
The thing your woman is complaining about is rarely the thing she is complaining about. Don’t respond to her complaints point by point.
A mans highest priority is his purpose, not his intimacy. Women do not want to feel #1. If a woman has become the point of your life, you have lost your purpose.
A woman needs to feel your loving clarity, wisdom and certainty of direction.
If your woman is afraid to surrender and receive your loving in all her parts, then she will feel essentially empty and seek fulfilment from shopping, food, events and conversation.
Let go in your love. Be fearless!
Next time you make love, feel into her so deeply that you become unaware of yourself and totally aware of her. Feel her breath, her movements and emotions. Love her with more abandon than you have ever felt before.
Only through your persistence, fearlessness and loving service does the world yield to your efforts.
Her gift if she is a good woman, is to test you with her dark moods over and over until your consciousness is unperturbed by the feminine challenge, and you are able to pervade her with your love
If ever you are feeling isolated and weary, feel the present moment as if it were a woman. Feel it physically. Your body pressing against hers. Feel her breast and belly.
Circulate the energy of arousal from another woman throughout your whole body, not letting it get stuck as mental fantasies and a rush to the genitals. Breathe it in.
When a man ejaculates easily, he creates ongoing distrust in his woman. She knows she and the world can deplete him.
The price you pay for a genital sneeze (ejaculation) is a much higher level of mediocrity in your daily life. (amen)
A superior man may choose to ejaculate occasionally, but will do so freely and before engaging in sex. Before it is too late.
If ejaculation is not a matter of conscious choice for you, your woman knows she controls you. As long as she controls you sexually, she will never surrender fully to you
Breath everyday, all day. Start with the lower belly, then lower and middle, then full belly, then full body. Repeat this cycle. If your front is closed off, you go unnoticed. Your energy does not permeate the room, your woman or the world.
When sexually embracing your woman, use your breath to open her up. Breath into her heart, breast and genitals as though they were your own.
Think about how much time is spent on your devotion to your mission, and how much time is spent in devotion to your partners deep desire for love? If you want her to honour your mission, you must support her in her love of loving.
Don’t be her therapist, be her wake up call. F*k, love and ravish her back into love and joy!
If you ever get lost in your thoughts, your tasks, goals and projects, one of her greatest gifts is being able to bring you back into the body through her touch, her sexiness, her love, so your whole body becomes like an erection, full and alive, ready to penetrate her and the world.
An orgasm a day for the ladies keeps the divorce lawyer away… I wrote that one :)